Azathoth vs The Abrahamic God

Fear. Fear that boils and fear that freezes, fear that tears and fear that crushes, fear…fear….fear….that was all that James could feel in his bones, he and his party had failed, their feet simply weren’t fast enough, their guns were just useless hunks of mortal steel and plastic against the abominations that stood in his path. James looked up at the twisted forms of his opponents, the flowing mottled bodies bulged as it retreated and surged inside the bubbling membrane, he watched the remains of his uncles body dissolve in their forms. The flailing beasts lurched forward towards James and Alison, their writhing caustic bodies , their pseudopods about to fall upon them as a blinding light burst in between the two massive beasts, the light clears away to reveal two frozen monsters. James takes this moment to finally breath as Shawn drags him to his feet and says “liquid nitrogen and blowtorch, I think MacGyver would be damn proud”, after which he lifts Alison up, the officer grips one arm around his shoulders and tries to balance herself on the floor, leaning her mass onto Shawn and off her broken leg. The three then look up the stairs at the cultists on high, their dark chants swirling the skies about like drain pipe begin to draw away the filth to start a new.

The main cultist in the center raises a writhing mass of tentacles up and screams out “O’ mighty old one, great Daemon sultan, rise from your nuclear citadel, let silence take your drummers and the void swallow the flutes of your lullaby, and remove this blight of creation from the cosmos!!!!”. The man began it scream in an intelligible language as the mass in his hand produced several ebony colored blades, each about a meter in length, with an octagonal cross-section on each. The Cultists raised their hands as the leader drew away the blanket that lay on the altar before him, revealing a bound and gagged blonde woman writhing and bucking, trying to free herself from the clutches of the chains that held her. Shawn screams out “oh you mother fucker!!!”, he upholsters his S&W 500 and fires it at the cultist, the man’s face catches the 350 grain jacketed hollow point bullet square between the eyes and his head erupts like a cherry bomb, leaving everything above the Adam’s apple a charred mess of shattered bones and rent meat. The cultist gasp as their priest’s body falls to the floor, his sacrificial device twists in the air, it’s writhing tentacles lash out and grasp the man’s body and plunges the point deep into him, piercing the cobble stone beneath as if it made from dough. The Three ascend the stairs, Alison pulls her standard issue .40 cal Berretta and opens fire, downing the remaining four cultist as James and Shawn cut the chains on Jenny as well as removing her gag and blind-fold, the first thing she does is scream out a loud as possible before Shawn cuffs her mouth and picks her up saying “babe, babe, babe, calm down…It’s all okay, we got you… it’s all ok…”, Jenny cuts him off with her tongue before pulling back and wrapping herself around him, Shawn tried to say something else but his voice was lost in the muffling cushion of her breasts, Alison just shook her head as she chuckled and said “lord help those two”, James rolls his eyes at the cop and says “how ya doin’ over there?”, Shawn raises his hand and gives a thumbs up, James looks at Alison and says “alright, let’s find a way back through the gate and …”, the sacrificial device fires one of the spikes high into the sky, tearing a hole in space and ripping it open like a sack, revealing an infinitely larger universe beyond this world, inhabited by floating beast playing a cacophony of flutes and drums around a indescribably immense horror.

The spike touches the mighty Azathoth, the great nuclear chaos has his numerous eyes open all at once and trillions of mouths open up to devour the fluting beasts that surround him, their octillion tons of meat ground up as breakfast for the blind idiot god. The group gapes at the beast in awe, Alison falls on her knees and screams out “oh Lord, save us!! Please, Jesus!!! Oh PLEASE!!!”, James yanks her up, the stress of the whole situation apparently causes him to snap at her “would you shut up with that ‘oh merciful god’ bullshit..he don’t exist and there’s the fucking proof!!!!! Right now, your praying to NOBODY!”, Alison begins crying as James backs off as Shawn lifts him up and throws him on his ass and roars “fuck off man, she don’t need that shit…especially not right..” he points up into the sky “now”, James hops up and gets in Shawn’s face, saying “oh really? Look up, does it look like YOUR god exists?”, Shawn push him back and sits down next to Jenny, consoling her, he picks up the crucifix pendant of hers and says “hey JC, you taking request?”….”yes”

A great burning ball of fire the size of a truck hovers near them and says “unforgiven, brothers of metal, warrior…name your choice”, James hops up and points his gun at him, scream “Nyarlothotep!!?! Get back right the fuck..” his gun vanishes as the fire says “No, James Hawthorn, you know very well who you speak to… I am not Nyarlothotep, I am that I am….and I am going to go handle this situation”, the fire rockets into the void to meet Azathoth.

The Fire and the nuclear chaos hover before each other before Azathoth shrinks down to the size of a few galaxies, his form twisting and pulsing as it re configures into a new shape, his body adorned with biomechanical plates, a head sprouts that resembles the queen xenomorph, his abdomen divided into five piston-like trunks that place it atop a spider like platform and it’s arms a giant set of grasping claws. Yahweh’s fire dies down as massive cables wrap around it and drag out giant plates of metal, pistons and lights, locking them into place , each rolling piece acting as an anchor point for the next, soon the frame takes shape, wrapped and powered by cables and pistons, with it’s shaped and “flesh” being made of huge plates, giving it a humanoid like shape with exaggerated proportions giving a massive and boxy upper and lower body held together by a solid abdomen, the head resembling a Knights helmet with wing like horns on the side as LED lights fill in the eye sockets. Azathoth roars as Yahweh yells “Elohim, roll out!!!!”, the two charge each other and collide like trains, the shockwave shaking the universe, shattering stars all around them. Azathoth fires a ride beam from his chest, launching Yahweh backwards across the cosmos, he then charges the almighty and wraps his massive claws around Yahweh’s neck, lifting him up and fires his lasers into Yahweh, pounding down on him. Yahweh throws his arms out, smacking both of Azathoth’s arms to the side and smashing Azathoth’s head into the floor with and overhead right smash. Yahweh grabs Azathoth by the throat and lifts him over head, the abomination strikes out with his right hand, but Yahweh blocks the blow and pins the limb to the ground before stomping it with such force that the limb breaks, held on by nothing more than gushing tendons. Azathoth fires on Yahweh again and again and again, until Yahweh knees the chest plate, shatter it and causing it to short out. Yahweh’s arm opens up and delivers a massive revolver into his free hand, he releases Azathoth and shoots him in face, the blast launches Azathoth backwards across the universe, smashing into the ends of the space that they currently occupy. Azathoth regains his foot and grows an enormous scorpion tail, he jerks his shattered arm around and severs it, launching it at Yahweh, who shoots the severed appendage out of the air. Azathoth stump grows an untold legion of tentacles, with them he grasps the quadrillion upon quadrillions of galaxies around him and swirls them into a supermassive singularity, duplicates it several million times and launches them at Yahweh, Yahweh produces another gun and rushes the onslaught, opening fire on them, releasing the force of untold big bangs on the cosmos. Azathoth whips his tail around and takes a swing at Yahweh, Yahweh throws his guns as the plates on his arm expand and thicken into a massive kite shield and he blocks the tail, bashing it away with a back hand. Yahweh’s guns fuse together at the handles, the barrels opening up and firing out a massive flaming blade, Yahweh grasps the sword and rushes Azathoth. The beast’s chest plate regenerates and he fires a multitude of shots at Yahweh, but he simply plows through the shots, shield raised in defense. Azathoth’s tail lunges at Yahweh again as he fires more shots off, Yahweh back hands at shot back at Azathoth with his shield, using the momentum of the backhand, Yahweh launches him foot around, pulling off a midair round house kick that knocks the tail back again. The tail makes one more lunge, Yahweh parries it with his sword and then cuts it off before dashing again as he roars “the lord demands a sacrifice!!!”, Yahweh shield bashes Azathoth before performing a three strike combination finishing with a slash across the throat, Yahweh Sparta kicks the body, sending the various severed chunk flying as he rears his head back and screams “your face will do!!”, he head butts Azathoth’s face, shattering it and sending his severed head flying. Azathoths body crashes into the universes edge with enough force to shatter the barrier in a massive explosion. Yahweh’s shield retracts as his sword separates back into two guns that Yahweh promptly sheaths. He begins walking towards the party and says “so, how was the performance of Godimus prime?”, the group is awestruck…except for Shawn, who couldn’t help but snicker at the lord’s comment before clapping. Godimus Prime bows as a great massive shadow eclipses him, Jenny stammer “l-l-look out..b-be-behind…”, Yahweh looks back and says “oh shit”.


Azathoths new form was several universes tall now, it was a massive beast with insectoid legs and two massive arms with giant scythe-like claws, four batwings, a long tail with a spikey thagomizer, and hundreds of heads with various ugly monstrous heads. One of the heads bites Yahweh and hurls the lord on high before slapping him, shattering Godimus Prime’s form and sending him hurling into the cosmos, exploding with such force as to make a mushroom cloud. Azathoth roars out and cackles madly at his foes demise and then focuses on creation. The party begins to cower until they feel the universe shake causing Azathoth to look around as one quake after another reverberates throughout the multiverse that he stands in…”REOARSKREONK!!!!”, Yahweh returns to the fray, this time he takes the form of a massive muscular saurian with powerful for limbs, strong grasping claws, a solid tryannosaurid head, his scales a gleaming ivory color , his back lined with platinum spikes and his body adorned with plates of platinum armor. The great kaiju gods then proceed to grapple with one another, their feet dig into the fabric of space and time, both push against one another, God gets the upper claw and pushes his foe backwards, Azathoths clawed feet ripping into the many universes as God forces him back. Azathoth begins pounding God with tens of millions of blows from his multiple heads as well as raining a storm of energy attacks on his head, God then launches Azathoth across several multiverses before Azathoth finally stops moving. The two charge each other, Azathoth and Yahweh then proceeds to hammer each other with blows, each striking shaking the multiverse, Azathoth goes for a double hammer, but Yahweh retaliates with a double upper and staggers Azathoth, Yahweh then goes for his own double hammer, plowing through Azathoth’s shoulders with his claws, rending his arms from his body. Azathoth flails about as Yahweh leans back on his tail and kangaroo kicks the shit out of Azathoth, launching him backwards with immense force. Azathoth swings out with his tail, which Yahweh grasps and swings him by, throwing him out of the multiverse as he charges up a his spikes, they glow with a golden-white fire as Yahweh fires a massive oral beam at Azathoth, blowing him up and shatter the wall of the multiverse, revealing the omniverse for all to see.

Yahweh stands over the party, scanning the horizon until Azathoth reveals himself once more. Azathoth transforms back into a multiversal sized nuclear, bulging and writhing abomination before letting loose a thundering howl, summoning forth his children, Nyarlthotep, The nameless mist, Shub-Niggurath, Yog-Sothoth, Cthulhu, Hastur, Cuthuga, and countless other entities and entire races all answered the call of Azathoth, the Nuclear Nightmare!!!! Yahweh melts down in a burning fire ball, standing in the middle of the group of would be heroes. The massive fire ball begins to produce a man-like figure, slightly over six feet tall, and the sound of loud horn blowing is heard leading into a symphonic composure, Jenny and Shawn cock their heads at the noise, the humanoid figure walks out of the fire as a layer of blue clothing wraps tight around his body and blue and gold plates of armor wrap around him, with a large red rimmed shield-like emblem on his chest. Yahweh looks at the awe struck group and says “looks like I’m about to have world of card-board moment”, before putting on his winged helmet, the eye slot illuminated by white fires. Azathoth produces a long appendage, tipped with a humanoid champion with a head of spikes that commands his children to form a circle in front of Azathoth, the circle rotates and arcs energy between each individual being, the energy builds up and fires at Yahweh, the beam is as thick as a universe. Yahweh takes off at the beam, plowing through it, Azathoth’s champion races forward to meet Yahweh, Yahweh rears back, his fist hums with power as it goes ablaze, Azathoth’s Champion transforms his fist into a massive, roaring dragon and the two punch each other in the face, Yahweh slams his foe with such destructive force that Azathoth explodes with such force that it destroys Azathoth’s children, burst the omniversal wall, engulfing all of creation with in it destructive power and eradicates all traces of Azathoth and his abominable line.


Shawn feels his head throb as he wakes up in a field, the sounds of the city buzzing not too far off , he looks over and sees his companions out cold, he walks over the James and wakes him, “GODDAMNIT MY HEAD!!!” screams James as he comes to. Shawn looks down and says “so……what happened?”, James leans up and says “I don’t know, maybe they killed each other”……………….”sorry, you aren’t that lucky.. …so, any questions?”.
Analysis:
Holy shit that was long.
Here we go
Experience: Azathoth has never fought with anyone, everyone around him simply wish to tip to around him and not bother with his ass, so he is lacking on the knowledge of fighting some big enough to fight back. Yahweh has made a small career out kicking the ass of all who would threaten the mortals of earth, having handed the Egyptian pantheon an ass beating, decapitating Dagon, implications that he might have done the same to the likes of Zeus, Yahweh knows what to do when the time comes to fight.
Power: Azathoth his feared by everything in the H.P. Lovecraft world because when he wakes up, he’ll destroy everything that is. This doesn’t traverse into the Abrahamic doctrine well because low ranking angels in heaven can do the same thing Azathoth can, with higher ranking angels being able to top him and Yahweh being able to control all the angels by sheer power can control them. For the world Azathoth lives in, his awakening heralds to coming of beast that can destroy the universe…for Yahweh, that’s Tuesday.
It boils down to a green horn cruiser weight taking on someone who just so happens to be the undisputed heavy weight champion of creation, Yahweh would look at the primordial beast that is Azathoth and say “been there, done that”.